Am I doing something I'm going to regret? To me, it seems that trying to become a teacher can often become discouraging. Mainly, because of the fact that there is a ton of competition for jobs, but not many job offerings. Of course, this can be dispiriting and nerve wracking all at the same time. Why have I gone through five years of college? Why have I read The Brothers Karamazov cover to cover in order to get a decent grade in a Major Authors class? Why have I stressed over the production of lesson plans, down to the very font in which I’ve typed them? At one time, my answer was, “because I want to be a teacher”. However, once the doubts start rolling in, my entire view becomes a big, disappointing haze. This is usually how the sequence of events occurs for me, personally:
I have a bad day. Some random person tells me, “Teachers can’t eat and have a home.” I become frustrated, what does she know, anyway? I sit down on my computer chair and stare at the blank screen of my laptop, tears welling up in my eyes. I start a random online job search for something, anything that will pay money and be steady. I find nothing that interests me and slap down the cover of my macbook, fling the chair from under me and throw myself in to my unmade bed.
The next morning my alarm goes off at 6:00 a.m. I get ready and drive to the high school I am student teaching at. As soon as I walk in it all becomes clear. The disappointing haze soon turns into crystal clear clarity and my previous answer of “because I want to be a teacher”, turns into “because I can’t see myself anywhere else”.
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